Let me in.

Confused and misdirected, you've built these walls around you, too high for me to climb,
Inside your walls, tall as the sky, I try to build a ladder to climb right in,
Too heavy, too burdensome, I ache as I reach and reach and no further I climb,
You've built these walls so high, you've built a door, you've built a way to keep me out.

Empty and anxious, I climb and I climb, trying to reach you,
Trying to hold on to some of the goodness I see every time you smile,
And even though the grey in your sky keeps me from looking in, and the stone walls seem so cold, so uninviting, yet I climb, reaching for something warm, something to hold on to, someone to let me in.

I don't see a monster, I don't see the bitterness but I see the fear in your eyes,
I see a man with the world on his shoulders, searching for solace, searching for some unbinding truth.
In you I hear the voices, crying out for someone to bring the calm, to break down the walls into a million little pieces,
Let me in, let me unfold these anxieties, let me share your burden, let me remove your grey skies, so that you too can see the deep blue I see in your eyes.

Behind your tears is a breaking wind, for on a precipice you walk, waiting to soar,
So remove the heaviness upon which you walk, ease your fears, and just let me in.

Let the world in, let the water run free, open your eyes and just be , for these walls you have built keeps the wind from blowing away the darkness,
so embrace the kaleidoscope of possibilities, and just let me in before I fall away, piece by piece, cast away by the walls that you look upon.

Self affirmations (On happiness)

Sometimes it takes falling apart to really see what's in front of us. We go our lives everyday, busy as bees, harvesting our lives for a future we may never even get to see. We create stresses and bubbles of self destruction, magnifying that which is minute and overseeing the colourfully painted canvas which could be our lives. We digress, we calculate, we formulate, but we never stop to see the beauty in just taking a second to reflect on the goodness around us.

Society tells us that in order to be happy we must conduct our lives according to the standard protocol created for each and every one of us - except this protocol was never intended for each and every individual but created for a mass of followers who fail to think outside of the box. To see past the formulaic and soulless box we all seem to place ourselves in.

I believe that In order to be happy one must first create a positive environment to live in, removing and isolating all sources of negativity. One must take risks and not be afraid to fall down, for it is only in the picking of ourselves off the ground, that we really start to appreciate how far we have come and therefore start to feel the possibility of infinite happiness. The ability to accept ones flaws, to accept ones short givings and just truly be at peace with the life you have created for yourself, for only you can decide your future and only you can put yourself there.


Today I sat in the park, gazing as people walked by, trying to imagine what my life would be like if I chose to take a different path, chose to think differently, chose to change my life and it hit me for the first time- i am one of the lucky ones, i get up each morning, go to a job that although i may choose not so favourable words to describe, still allows me to have a home, to have beautiful things, to have peace of mind, to plan for a future. I wake up each day, to a life full of love, full of possibilities and thus to lose sight of my fortune would be like praying for the sunshine and digging a hole to hide ones self from its rays- a simple waste.

As i sat on the grass, I decided that happiness was the route I would take, I chose to be happy, to love, to fall in love, to forget past loves, to forget heart ache, to trust again, to dispel negativity, to break away from paranoid thoughts, to show courage and to give the best if not all of me. I chose to see the good in people, to see the colours at the crossroads and go forth boldly into the next part of my life, whatever that may be.

If we continue to see our lives in only one shade of purple, we miss the other colours of the rainbow that are in the distance, reaching out for us to gaze upon.

I will be a positive influence, I will be a remarkable person, I choose to be happy, I choose to see the light in the darkness and when all things seem bleak, and despondency rears its ugly head, I will sit in the same spot I did today and reflect upon the goodness in my life and cast the thorns back into the shadows.

Dear diary,

Today I woke up and the first thought on my mind-its you I'm missing.

Weeks have passed and I've felt nothing, felt fine, felt on top of it all, on top my emotions, then why suddenly do I still miss you.

My mind has been distracted, my thoughts have been fragmented, just so I wouldn't feel and I wouldn't think - of missing you.

Filling my days, filling my nights, but something seems forlorn, something seems lost, someone seems gone.

I need to get out of this funk, this trap, this anxiety, this hopelessness. I thought I was fine, I thought I was over it, but it came crashing back on to me, with subliminal messages, surrealists images, all leading me back to that space, that place where it all hurt, where I hurt, where you didn't.

Dear diary,
Please Fix me before I break me. I have cracks that grow deeper each day, seeking some enigma to fill that space that grows in its place.

Dear diary,

I was fine, or so I thought, but these cold winter nights keep me from finding solace, from finding atonement for my sins, from cleansing my soul, from forgetting you, from forgetting us.

Dear diary,

We were nothing but momentary, so quickly it went by, with no time to blink, but yet my heart stops me from letting you go, from closing my eyes and seeing your face.

Dear diary,
Stop the madness, stop the hysteria, stop this feeling of being alone, of loneliness,
Stop it all,and let us stand still, let us be, and bring him back to where it all started...with me, and if all fails, please just let me forget, for the ignorant lead such peaceful lives.